Updates will be posted on this site's twitter probably a couple of times a week, assuming I can stick to this. LET'S FIND OUT TOGETHER
Part forty-two! If there seems to be more narration than dialogue all of a sudden, seriously, don't look at me.
Part forty-one is up. NO IT'S NOT AN APRIL FOOLS' JOKE, SHUT UP
Part forty is up. If I ever thought this thing was going to involve typing the words "part forty is up," I probably never would have started it.
I have also updated the about page! You should read that.
I just made the mistake of trying to read this thing from the beginning. The beginning is not very well done! Well, none of it is particularly well done, but part one especially. How does anyone even get to reading this?
Yes, I suddenly have an emotional investment in the quality of the questionable video game-based endeavor I left to sit for two years. Maybe I should revise this so I'm not just, like, ignoring the first three hours of the game.
...actually maybe I shouldn't
03.22.2012I'm just going to take the end of disk one here at a run. I'm assuming you don't mind. If it's not very funny that's because I am having to sacrifice wit for coherence.
OH GOD, WHAT YEAR IS IT
I CAN EXPLAIN
...LOOK OVER THERE
WHATEVER, INTERNET, YOU ARE NOT MY DAD
Actually, no one has been bugging me at all, which is very nice! I guess people read this page after all. Or Xenogears summaries don't actually figure all that high in people's priorties, which I think is a sign a good health.
I feel like I owe at the very least this update page an explanation for why I've been so sluggish in the past six months, so, briefly: I had a very large project that I was working on parallel to this site -- I actually started that first -- and for a while this goofiness kind of took front burner, and then the other project did again. I finally finished said project in July, and then I fell over and didn't move for several months. I am now regaining use of my upper body, so my plan is start updating Rope of Robots again regularly. I am a massive flake, so ha ha, but I really do want to finish this thing before I start getting mailed social security checks.
Okay, so, uh... OH, LOOK AT THAT, PART 36, WHAT DO YOU KNOW
IN A PERFECTLY TIMELY MANNER AND EVERYTHING
Well, well, well! Clearly some of us seem to think they have better things to do than keep their websites updated! Call off the search parties and stop emailing me.
I kid, I kid. I'm touched that people were worried. You guys, I've dropped half a novel's word count on this so far, I'm not going to just walk away from the poor dumb thing without good reason, and if I have a good reason I will say so. Sometimes one just gets bogged down. Just keep in mind that if you email me asking when the next update is going to be, I'm probably not going to answer you until after the next update, because I have sheepishness issues. Anyway, part 35 is up!
Dear Lord, I need to stop being so lame about updates. I was sad for a while because my dog died, you guys. And now you're sad, too! Here, part 34 is up, and it's very comforting as parts of Xenogears's plot goes.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
Part 32! THIS GAME IS SO LONG, JESUS. I've written like a novel's worth just summarizing the damned thing and we aren't even on disk 2 yet! w('A'w)
Another slow update, but I have an excuse this time! This week has seen the worst and weirdest computer problems I have ever had on both the computers I use regularly, excluding that one time my monitor caught fire. Anyway! Part 31!
Hoo boy, slow update. Part THIRTY, you guys! So that's, uh, a hundred and ninety to go, I suppose.
Happy new year, everyone! I am back and updates should resume their more or less not-very-regular schedule. Part 29 is up.
12.21.2009Part twenty-eight! I'm going to be off the high-speed internet grid for the next two weeks, so expect part twenty-nine in early January.
Woo, slow update. I wish I had a good excuse, but the truth is that I was eaten by Assassin's Creed 2. It's a really good game, you guys! If you hate Italians! Anyway twenty-seven is up, finally.
Part twenty-six is up. God, why is so much vital information entrusted to NPCs? It's no wonder no one understands this game.
This narration did not mean to take a break for Thanksgiving, but it kind of did. Sorry about that! Part twenty-five is not really very amusing but there is only so much you can do with the party oohing and ahhing at Aphel Aura. Baby steps, my friends.
Part twenty-four! So a reader emailed me to point out that Citan actually designed the Buntline himself, and I was all like, I can't go around spoofing stuff from Perfect Works, that is cheating! But then it turned out that it was totally mentioned in the game like four minutes later, so I'm just a jerk. ...I love email, you guys, I am not usually a jerk!
I have got to stop doing this at four in the morning, I have a job. Twenty-three is done.
Part twenty-two is up. Yeah, this about where the game's actual plot starts, so God help us all.
Twenty-one is up. It's kind of hard to make any kind of summary of the game's big exposition dumps sound at all clever, but as that is what most of the rest of the game consists of I guess we will all just have to get used to it.
Wow, I've done twenty parts already! And I only have like two hundred to go!
Gee, bring my favorite character in and suddenly my productivity sky-rockets. How mysterious! Part nineteen is up. I also revised part 1 ever so slightly, so it is... actually more like part 1 of something and not just random flailing. See, when I started this is was just random flailing.
Part eighteen is done. My friends have started to tell me that I can't hang out with them anymore because I have to go home and work on this, so... I hope someone is happy.
Part seventeen, she is complete. A little punchy, but complete.
Part sixteen is up. Do not read if you have ethical objections against the abuse of fish or Bart.
I suppose I should apologize to anyone reading this who likes the D Block section of the game. It's just that you are incorrect and I have no way of relating to you as a fellow human. You should maybe ask your doctor about it? In any case, part 15 is now up.
Okay, one more installment and I think we are in the clear. Part 14 is up!
My God, it just keeps going on forever! Why do I even like this game? It's like 40% D Block! ...Part thirteen is up.
Part twelve is now finished for your eye-glazing pleasure. Guys, I promise the game gets more interesting than this. ...Somewhat more interesting. Eventually.
I'm back, guys! Part eleventy is now up. Updates should be a little more regular now -- I had a visitor and we were very busy doing the New York tourist thing, and now my feet will ache for the next billion years or so, leaving me unable to do anything much aside from play and make fun of video games.
Part ten is up! Okay, I've been really busy this week, and I am going to continue to be very busy for the next two weeks or so, so updates might be slow. Just like D Block! So it works out.
Part nine, ladies and gentlemen. This narration went to Philadelpia for a few days to play with toys at the Franklin, so this update was late. Don't worry: It's D Block. You didn't miss a thing.
Part eight is up! It covers a very intense part of the game, so I'm sorry if it is hard to follow or, you know, not funny. I know I said I'd be updating on the weekends primarily, but I still got a head of steam and I'mma gonna use it!
Added part seven. It's hard to make like an hour of battle tactics discussion funny, but I gave it a shot.
Actually, funny story: I was bored at work a few months ago, and it suddenly occurred to me to see if anyone owned this URL, and no one did, and I thought, well, I clearly need that. I did not, in fact, need it in any way, but I've been making these for about a week now, and it suddenly dawned on me that there was no better URL for a work of this calibur.